
Living with Trichotillomania plays a major role in the demise of
one's self esteem. The cycle of hair pulling brings a surge of
determination and spirit to heal, but it is then replaced with anger,
shame and embarrassment once the pulling returns. This cycle continues
for years and years for those with Trichotillomania, weakening self
esteem, self confidence, self love and self acceptance.
That
morning, she woke up and looked in the mirror to see a person that she
felt could be so pretty, if she only had beautiful, long eyelashes to
line her eyelids and eyebrows to define the empty space between her eyes
and her forehead. Long locks of hair rest on her shoulders but are
overshadowed by the large bald patches on her crown.
The
difference in appearance may be accepted by others, but the inner pain
and frustration of knowing that she did this to herself the night
before, brings tears to her bald eyes. Why would she do this to herself?
Why couldn't she fight the urge? What about the soap opera part she had
worked so hard to be cast in? Now that she had the part, how could she
go to the studio like this? If she wore a wig, she would have to tell
the producer and the make up team, and how could she explain why she
needed to wear a wig all of a sudden? What if they asked her to take it
off? They would see her real hair and all of the baldness around the
crown.
After every thing she had worked so hard to secure, she had
to find a way to cancel her performance so that she didn't have to
explain her situation. Who would understand why she pulls out her own
hair? No one would understand it, and if she explained that she had
Trichotillomania, they may think she is a risk to cast in any upcoming
projects due to the unforeseen future episodes of pulling and resulting
baldness.
She places a call to the studio to let them know that
her mother has suddenly become ill and she must travel across the
country to visit her, therefore, she will not be available to film the
part she was cast in. Tears roll down her face as she hangs up the
phone. After all of the frustration and anger she feels toward herself,
she now has to lie on top of it.
Months pass and her hair has
begun to grow in. Her eyelashes are short and stubby, but they are
there, and her eyebrows are coming in nicely. Her hair is still very
short around her crown, but it is growing in and becoming less and less
obvious as each week passes.
Her frustration and anger toward
herself have faded, and she is ready again to follow her dreams of being
an actress. She is stronger this time and her self esteem is no longer
fragile. She is a rock, and nothing can make her pull again.
The
auditions begin and she is awarded a film role that will change the
direction of her career forever. Filming begins in the fall. After
months of being pull free, she has another episode of pulling. Again,
her head is bald and there is no time for it to grow back in prior to
production commencing. Again, she is faced with the shame and
embarrassment of canceling her appearance or facing the questions,
judgment and labeling if she explains herself, which is just too much
for her to bear. No one would hire her if they knew. Her dreams, once
again, would have to be put on hold.
The cycle has repeated itself
and continues to repeat itself over and over again. The emotional
rollercoaster is running and cannot stop. The sufferer experiences great
highs, only to pull again and feel lower than ever. Then it's back to
flying high until another episode of pulling emerges.
There is no
known medical cure for those who suffer from Trichotillomania. However,
there are many people who have become pull free and continue to be pull
free today.
What if those who suffer from hair pulling changed
their perspective? What if hair pulling and baldness was normal and/or
accepted? What if being bald was beautiful? Can you imagine the
potential of a person with the spirit and determination of a person with
Trichotillomania, who was free of the negative feelings involved with
pulling and the resulting baldness? A true, compassionate leader in our
universe would emerge and change the lives of many.